Shit My Mom Emails

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault “Clio” and the Ford “Taurus” they have designed the “Clitaurus”. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won’t be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can’t get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most people think it will be best to lease one, and replace it each year.

*LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT.* 

IF yOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR. 

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY. 

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT. 

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED. 

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN. 

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED. 

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO 
POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT. 

IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET :

* A JOB, 
* A DRIVERS LICENSE, 
* SOCIAL SECURITY CARD, 
* WELFARE, 
* FOOD STAMPS, 
* CREDIT CARDS, 
* SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE, 
* FREE EDUCATION, 
* FREE HEALTH CARE, 
* A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON 
* BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR 
LANGUAGE 
* THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY’S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU 
DON’T GET ENOUGH RESPECT 


I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION.

This is interesting . .. . Margarine  was originally manufactured to fatten  turkeys  When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put  all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get  their money back.  It was a white substance with no food appeal  so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people to use in place of butter.  How do you like it?   They have come out  with some clever new flavorings..

DO  YOU KNOW.. The difference between margarine and butter?

Read on to the end…gets very interesting!

Both  have the same amount of calories. Butter  is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams; compared   to 5 grams for margarine. Eating margarine can increase  heart disease in women by  53%  over  eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent  Harvard  Medical Study.

Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in  other foods. Butter has many nutritional benefitswhere margarine has a few and    Only  because  they are added! Butter  tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors of other foods. Butter  has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years.

And now, for Margarine.. Very High in Trans fatty acids. Triples risk of coronary heart disease . Increases  total cholesterol and LDL(this is the bad cholesterol) and  lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol) Increases  the risk of cancers up to five times.. Lowers  quality of breast milk. Decreases immune response. Decreases  insulin response. And  here’s the most disturbing fact….

HERE IS THE PART THAT  IS  VERY INTERESTING!

Margarine  is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC… And shares 27 ingredients with PAINT These facts alone were enough to have me avoiding margarine for life  and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is  added, changing the molecular structure of the  substance).    You  can try this yourself: Purchase  a tub of margarine and leave it open in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will notice a couple of things: *  no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it  (that should tell you something) *  it does not rot or smell differently because it has  no nutritional value ; nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow.  Why?   Because it is nearly plastic.

Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?